By Darren Tran
Walk into Lexington High School, and anywhere you turn, something follows you. The aroma of the Earth, gifts of nature. Gracing every corner of these hallowed corridors, the strong scent of a certain plant may cause you to believe that a vegan movement has taken LHS by storm. But this is not any plant, this is Cannabis Sativa. Or as the younglings like to call it: weed.
Sure, Mary Jane can make you happy, bringing you a euphoric high, but our favorite herb is not nicknamed “skunk” without reason. Despite its wonderful effects, weed has a notoriously unpleasant odor.
This green fruit roll-up resides most infamously near the restrooms situated outside the boys locker-room. After each physical education class, boys enter those safe havens and exit as men. Why? Because they have been doused with a potent combination of Axe body spray and weed.
Also, if you are going to smoke the dope, at least do it in a facility that people do not actually enjoy using for restroom functions. Once during my biology class, I went down to the science mods to use the restroom there—because everyone knows those are the nicest ones. However, upon entering, I encountered three freshmen creating clouds as they stood in a circle (perhaps the best position for inhalation?). Sadly for me, I had to make a detour and instead go to the boys bathroom in the main science building, also known as the literal scum of Lexington High, if not the entire world. So if you are going to derail an entire sanctuary, at least do it in a place with similarly chaotic vibes.
Now, the solutions. Maybe LHS should focus on addressing the green revolution taking over the school, rather than taking away I-Blocks that students need for academic work in the name of “relaxation.” But here is a proposal that I believe will make everyone happier: marijuana smokers out there, please invest in higher quality weed. Not only is it better for you, but the smell will no longer be comparable to Philadelphia sewage and might actually produce a pleasant aroma. Needless to say, this school already stinks of academic dishonesty, inequality and stress. There is no need to stink it up any further.
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